Dwelling in the Past
by Heidi-chan
Summary: A requested pact. A chosen death. Always dwelling in the past.A never ending sorrow. A chosen bereavement. A laborious forfeit.


**Disclaimer: Nope, I DO NOT own Tsubsa or anything else for that matter. The only thing I own is my trusty writing pal, Crappy the Cat!**

**A/N**

**Well, this is a totally new version of "What's it like to die…" I got complaint's and I thought it totally sucked, so I totally redid it and everything, okay! Well, have a good read!**

**Heidi-chan**

She was dead.

_Died, trying to protect the one she loved, only to be killed in the end. But unlike him, her head was not filled will feelings of regret; instead it was filled with feelings of relief. It was better that she had died instead of him. Or so she said, he was thinking the total opposite at that time. Even now, he is thinking the opposite. _

He wasn't dead.

_She made him make her a promise._

Why did he have to be the one to survive of the two?

_She made him keep it to his full extent._

Why couldn't he save her?

_But she was happy that it was their promise that he kept._

Why did she have to die?

_She somehow knew it was all meant to be that way_.

Why not him instead?

_It was because she made him keep his word and stay._

These very thoughts ran through Syaorans mind as he fought to live just a few more minutes longer. He made her a promise, and he intended on keeping it. Flashbacks of their relationship filled his mind. He closed his eyes for a few moments, sinking deeper into the memories of the past.

_Past_

_A slightly high-pitched voice filled the air as Syaoran tumbled to the ground; apparently Sakura had tackled him. She was a long time friend of his. Her eyes shone as she slowly picked herself off of him and proceeded to tug him up off of the dirt._

Her voice was the key to his love.

"_Syaoran-kun! There is this cute plushy at this cute store! Can I look at it? Please?"_

_A look of fondness grew apon his face as he took her hand in his and walked in the direction of the store._

"_Sure, why not. Anything for you Sakura!"_

He could have given her anything, why couldn't he give her his life in order to save hers?

_A bright smile lit up her face as she tugged him along towards the store. _

"_Hurry! We have to go see it!"_

_Syaoran gave her a daring glance and picked her up, carrying her bridal style. He ran towards the store, not knowing that this was the last time he would hold her in his arms._

Why couldn't I touch her one last time? Why couldn't I hold her?

_Sakura excitedly jumped out of his grasp and hurried over to the stand where the plushies were being sold. She motioned for him to come over there and pointed towards a certain one._

"_You see it! Isn't it adorable? I love it!"_

_She jumped up and down as he gave the owner a few gold coins for the plushy._

I could buy her this, why couldn't I buy her an extra life?

"_Thank you so much! I love this and I love you!"_

_Those three words made his heart beat just a little bit faster than normal. She always had this particular effect on him._

"_Well Sakura, I love you more."_

_She just giggled, while holding his hand tightly. She gave him a loving look as she reached up and kissed him for the last time too._

Why did such a promise have to cause her so much strife?

"_Syaoran…let's make a promise okay."_

_He gave her a strange look._

"_What kind of promise?"_

It was a promise that shouldn't have been kept.

_She looked at him straight in the eyes and reached up the whisper in his ear._

"_No matter what happens, you stay where you are okay! Don't think about me. No matter what is happening. You have to try and survive for me. Okay!"_

Love was the only thing that would make me die for her. She wouldn't let me die. She just got in my way.

_A look of confusion spread across his face as his asked a question._

""_Why is that Sakura? Why can't you go with me?"_

_She cast a downward glance towards the ground._

"_It's because…I want you to promise me okay!"_

Because of that pledge, she does no longer exist with me on this earth.

_Syaoran rolled his eyes exasperatingly. _

She knew something; she just felt it wouldn't be right to tell.

"_Why, can you tell me why I have to make this promise?"_

_Sakura just smiled and pleaded with her puppy dog eyes._

"_Please…pretty please?"_

_He sighed, knowing he would never hear an end to this if he didn't promise._

He swore to her, only to make her sit still.

"_Alright, you win, I promise okay…"_

_She beamed and held his hand tightly. She pulled him straight into a market square._

"_Let's go find the others okay!"_

_He just gave a nod in reply. He was too busy thinking about other things._

My mind was full, too full for her. It seemed.

_**Later on that same day**_

_Syaoran ran through the tall grass, holding tightly onto Sakura's hand. Sweat formed on his brow, as the mysterious light grew closer yet, when Sakura pulled loose from his grasp and faced the light. Howls and snarling sounds emitted from the strange luminosity. He sprung up into the air, ready to run to her aid. He was about to grasp her hand when she shoved him away and gave him a soft but heartbreaking smile._

"_You have to keep the promise Syaoran. This is not your time to go. This is my time to leave. Please…don't break our promise…"_

_Grief and distress filled his eyes as he just watched helplessly. She stood there, just looking at him, it wasn't his fault it was her time to go, and her eyes seemed to say that. He couldn't take it anymore, running towards her, he swung a sword at the black light, just to be bounced away from Sakura. Fire seemed to reflect in his eyes, as he made another shot at stabbing the mysterious force. The light somehow grabbed him and was pulling him into its inferno. Just when he was about to drown in the boiling heat, Sakura grabbed him loose and jumped in his place, fire burned all around her, enveloping her in the intensifying heat. Tears sprung from her eyes as she managed to squeeze out a hoarse whisper to Syaoran._

"_I love you Syaoran…"_

I let her die, that was my greatest mistake. I couldn't bear to break the promise. Stupid me.

_Then she just disappeared. There was no saving her, no heroic rescues. Her life was over, and it was his fault._

Present

A slight tap on the shoulder brought me back to the present. Fai and Kurogane were all standing around me by the hotel bed I was accommodating at the time. It has been two years since she and I made that pact. But I still remember like it was yesterday.

I looked at Fai, he gave me a glance and left me alone with Kurogane. He sat on my bed and said something I will never forget.

"You can't dwell in the past forever."

Right when he said that I knew what I had to do. I had to keep my promise and keep on trying to survive.

Like he said, "You can't dwell in the past forever."

**A/N**

**So…how did you guys like it? Was it good? Or did it really suck? I guess it all depends on the person who is reading this.**

**Well, whoever you are, thank you so much for stopping by and reading my story!**

**Heidi-chan**


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